Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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