So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
