I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
