you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
