i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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