She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How does one acquire holy water?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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