Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
