can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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