Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
