Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
