did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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