You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
