Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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