I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
