I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
