Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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