I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
