Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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