my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
