we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
