this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The adults are the big ones right?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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