Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
