why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
