True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
