i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
