her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She said her name was "party"
Life is so much better after having sex.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
