During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
