Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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