the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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