I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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