Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
