Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
