I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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