So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
