Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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