i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
