I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
PANTIES FOUND
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
