She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
