left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
