I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
