At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
