just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
