I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
