I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
