Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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