Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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