I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
