Banned from zoo.
Again?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
