the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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