I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
