he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
