roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
being pregnant is like rehab
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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