Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
