So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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