halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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